Online Dating?

Hello, my darlings! This post is going to be a little all over the place, there are a lot of random things going on in my brain this evening. The Nerd and I parted ways around the beginning of November, so it’s been a while since last I played. There are a couple things that I’m really starting to feel the loss of and I’d like to share since I’m sure most of you would feel the same way in a similar situation.

I really miss the pleasure of tying someone up. I miss being allowed to lovingly wind someone in rope. I’ve always enjoyed the contrast of colors on someone’s skin (this is probably why my own tattoo collection keeps growing) and the human body is such a beautiful canvas. My rope collection is far away in New England. The Nerd has literally my entire arsenal of fun things to play with – if he hasn’t done away with them, I wouldn’t judge in the least if he has – and I haven’t even begun to build it back up. He even has my best pair of boots and I freaking love those beasties. Granted, I have no one here in the Midwest to use such implements on, but I don’t even have the comfort of knowing they’re within reach. He always looked beautiful in ropes, I suppose that’s another thing I miss. He would ask for them and it was something I never felt the need to deny. I’m falling out of practice, I can feel it, and I hate that.

 

Pretty. Much.

I miss catering to someone’s needs before they even know what those needs are. One of my favorite things about domination is starting to understand my partner’s thought process. Knowing what’s best for them before they do. I like to think of myself as a giving sort of individual and getting inside someone’s head is a gorgeous experience. That moment when they initially struggle against something before all the tedium and apprehensions of the day slowly drain away and they can only focus on the two of us. It’s a two-sided process; I provide an escape from the day to day and they allow me to have it. Taking care of another person and having them submit to me is a powerful gift, a humbling gift, and I want that back in my life. Yet at the same time I don’t want to be romantically attached to someone since all I seem to do is move. Bah!

“He learned the word ‘conundrum’.”

If you’ve seen my Twitter feed at all lately, you’ve seen me posting things from my adventures in online dating. I say ‘dating’ lightly. My profile clearly states in no uncertain terms that I don’t want anything serious and I’m just looking to meet folks in town, but some of the messages I’ve received are just hilarious. I’ve been off the site for about a week and a half, but I’ll jump back on it today and see if there are any fun prospects. If your profile picture is of you holding a deer carcass and you open a conversation with the size of your junk, I officially want nothing to do with you as a human.

 

At least he said hello before moving on to the dimensions of his junk?

Granted, I haven’t gotten what I really want out of meeting any of these people (yet), but I’ve had one successful date thus far. The Norwegian was incredibly wholesome, like many of the men out in these parts. Blond, blue-eyed, generically attractive, works with at risk children, and vanilla as they come. At one point he said, and I quote, “Oh, you like it rough, huh?” I’m ashamed to admit that I laughed. It was stifled and he didn’t hear, but I still felt like a bitch because of it.

I would never scoff at someone’s sexual preferences. I’ve had that done to me more times than I can count and I won’t ever make someone else feel like that. It’s nothing against this terribly nice and pleasant young man. He was just looking for a satisfying one night stand without any of the bells and whistles that I like. And I’m not one of those people who seem to feel that because someone isn’t on the same wavelength as me, they’re somehow not good enough. That’s half the reason I didn’t go out much in the BDSM circles in New England! I felt like some of those people who should have been supportive and allies were looking down on me because I wasn’t into puppy play or whatever the flavor of the month was. I know what I like. I know what works for me. And so long as you know those things about yourself, you aren’t harming anyone, and your partners are on board, I say go for it! I’m just not going to be finding what I really need on this particular dating site.

But I’m starting to get that itch under my skin again. The one that tells you you’re wasting your time on things that aren’t satisfying. The one that makes your skin feel like it’s too tight for your body and that there’s lighting crackling just under the surface of things where people can’t see, but they can feel that something’s just a little bit off. I’m an incredibly well adjusted and happy individual and that is in part because I let off steam in such a way that is constructive to me. Maybe I should start going to the shooting range again. Or take up kick boxing.

I swear, I’m gonna just Hulk out one of these days.

One of my colleagues likes to troll the personals on craigslist and he’s taken to sending me any post that sounds even vaguely like it was written by a sub. I’ve read a couple of them but they all sound like chunks of text taken straight off Wikipedia. People who want to be “humbly obedient to you, O divine one” and others who want to try “traversing into sadomasochism.” I’m not a deity and I want to do more than traverse. I’ll traverse all over you with my boots, watch out. Maybe I need to get back onto FetLife and see if there’s anybody out here. What else are people supposed to do when it’s negative forty degrees out?! It’s so cold here, all I want is to drink and whip someone! Though definitely not at the same time, that’s hella not safe. Public service announcement of the day: don’t mix BDSM and booze!

Also! A big lovely thank you to Domina Jen and writingthebody for having such kind words to say about my last post. They managed to plow through my drunken, emo ramblings and actually figure out what I was trying to say because they are beautiful humans. And some of the most uplifting people I’ve ever had the pleasure of talking to. So thank you both, I really needed to hear those things. 🙂

I warned you up front, all over the place tonight. I have another post in mind for a couple days from now – it’ll be more focused, I promise. You guys are all dolls, don’t forget it for a second. Oh! As a closing notion: what would y’all think if I did a podcast or audio version of the blog to go along with the written one? I thought it might be a fun way to spend some of my evenings and if you could all stomach a faint southern accent on some words, it could be a good time! Thoughts?